TV Party Tonight! #135

TV Party Tonight! #135

Sunday, 03 December 2023

Star Trek Picard Season 3

Boy, am I excited to be reviewing Season 3 of Picard. Why? Because ever since it came out, I’ve had to read on social media about how it’s the greatest new iteration of Star Trek to date. It has glowing reviews. The old gang is back together! Now, any old Star Trek fan knows this is actually an indictment of #nutrek. Any close inspection of these praises reveals that the main argument is that they’ve finally gotten the show right. Meaning, they’ve been fucking up the series so badly that this new season of Picard, for whatever reason, finally feels like a good show.

I’ve watched almost every Star Trek show, so I know to tread lightly on these reviews. The reality is that all the new Star Trek shows are terrible. They’re contrived, complicated, unpleasant, full of clunky senseless dialogue, and joyless. Anyone with any taste has long since abandoned the show. But, this new season of Picard is supposed to be different, right? I was pretty sure that this was impossible because the people responsible for all the terrible Star Trek since Discovery started are still involved with the show. These people have no idea how to write something compelling, so how can that inexplicably have changed? Did they suddenly take courses in TV writing during the break? Season 3 of Picard was doomed to be terrible.

Now I’ve watched all of it and I can finally say with confidence: Yes, Star Trek Picard Season 3 is terrible, which means the entire run of the Picard series was terrible. And that’s why I was so excited to write this review. To bring balance to the universe.

Let’s just get down to it, OK? Season 3 of Picard is just another continuation of the pointless, clunky, overly complicated and unimaginative storytelling that has been driving the previous 2 seasons. It’s also clear that the writers didn’t have enough material for 10 episodes as all the scenes drag and the pacing slows to halt as the characters have to reveal pointless things from their past, or reanalyze events they’ve already done, or talk about things instead of showing us, or declare their feelings about someone or something over and over again. The plot is also overly complicated and boring, with obscure callbacks that serve only to cover for the fact that the writers have completely run out of ideas. Also, are we doing the Borg again and all the trauma it brought Picard? We’ve been over this time and time again. Do something new, please.

Season 3 of Picard never had a chance because the show is run by hacks. Hacks who have no idea how to write good Star Trek or good TV for that matter. This isn’t bad for Star Trek, it’s just bad television. Good riddance, Picard. May the old version of this show spin in its grave.

And, shame on you for putting your name on this series, Michael Chabon.

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