This installment of "Overanalysis" is all about getting low. In fact, as I write this, I am huddled down deep in a concrete bunker, avoiding child support payments. The song this week is called “Low,” and it’s by some guy I’ve never heard of named Flo Rida. I’m going to assume that he was so overcome by his own cleverness that, after breaking the state’s name into two pseudowords, he completely neglected to determine why or how one might go about riding flows. I’m assuming you’d have to get pretty low first.
Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans
Boots with the fur
The whole club was lookin at her
No surprise here. She had dead animal skin on her feet. And Apple Bottoms are sooo last season. Two big fashion faux pas here.
She hit the flo
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low
Again stating the obvious. If shawty falls down, that’s pretty damn low. It’s practically low low low low.
Them baggy sweat pants
And the Reeboks with the straps
I used to rock that look in kindergarten.
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack
She hit the flo
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low
This is happening again? I think we need to clarify that there is a distinct difference between “low” and “epileptic.”
I ain't never seen nuthin that'll make me go,
this crazy all night spendin my dough
Had a million dollar vibe and a bottle to go
Dem birthday cakes, they stole the show
Did someone say cake?
So sexual, she was flexible
Professional, drinkin X and ooo
A sexual professional? Is she popping out of the cake?
Hold up wait a minute, do I see what I think I
Whoa
Did I think I seen shorty get low
Ain't the same when it's up that close
Flo Rida explains the effects of distance on perception.
Make it rain, I'm makin it snow
Work the pole, I got the bank roll
There’s something strange about putting a handjob reference so close to a mention of money.
Imma say that I prefer them no clothes
I'm into that, I love women exposed
No argument here. I also enjoy women without clothes.
She threw it back at me, I gave her more
Cash ain't a problem, I know where it goes
Flo Rida obviously grew up idolizing Scrooge McDuck.
Hey
Shawty what I gotta do to get you home
Seriously, she is falling all over the place. Somebody call her a fucking taxi.
My jeans full of gwap
Whoaaaa… That’s more than I wanted to know, Rida. Seriously, keep your gwap to yourself.
And they ready for Shones
Cadillacs Maybachs for the sexy grown
Patron on the rocks that'll make you moan
Or, if you’re like me, it’ll make you throw up on your date and pick a fight with a tree.
One stack (come on)
Two stacks (come on)
Three stacks (come on, now that's three grand)
Scrooge McDuck AND The Count from Sesame Street.
What you think I'm playin baby girl
I'm the man, I'll bend the rubber bands
Never mess with a dude who can bend bands made entirely of rubber.
That's what I told her, her legs on my shoulder
I knew it was ova, that Henny and Cola
Got me like a Soldier
Oh man, I had so much Hennessey last night that I stormed the beaches of Normandy. Least I think it was Normandy, I blacked out during boot camp.
She ready for Rover, I couldn't control her
In the grand coolness spectrum of penis nicknames, Rover is about somewhere between “Azalea” and “Monkey-Tail”
So lucky oo me, I was just like a clover
Shorty was hot like a toaster
Again, I’m really not comfortable with the proximity of the toaster reference to the sex.
Sorry but I had to fold her,
Like a pornography poster
A porn poster? Like for your wall? With porno? Seems like that would be really awkward when friends visited your place.
She showed her
Apple Bottom Jeans
Boots with the fur
The whole club was lookin at her
She hit the flo
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low
This is getting malicious.
Them baggy sweat pants
And the Reeboks with the straps
Velcro is so hot right now.
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack
She hit the flo
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low
I mean, just ridiculously low. She was fucking subterranean.
Whoa
Shawty
Yea she was worth the money
Lil’ mama took my cash,
and I ain't want it back,
The way she bit that rag,
If that’s sexual slang, I don’t get it. And more importantly, I don’t WANT TO get it.
got her them paper stacks,
Tattoo above her crack,
I had to handle that,
Again, the less explained here the better.
I was on it, sexy woman, let me shownin
They be want it two in the mornin
I'm zonin in them rosé bottles foamin
She wouldn't stop, made it drop
Shorty did that pop and lock,
No, that’s a seizure. That’s why she wouldn’t stop. And why she, like the champagne, was foamin’.
Had to break her off that gwap
Gah it was fly just like my glock
I’ve been informed of what “Gwap” is supposed to mean, but somehow that never comes to mind when I hear it used. I guess it’ll just be one of those continuing mysteries of hip-hop, like how on earth a glock can be considered “fly.”
More on Flo Rida: www.myspace.com/officialflo
Download – "Low (featuring T-Pain)" – [mp3]
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