I was convinced, in a complete and irreversible way, that Soulja Boy was the pinnacle of all musical recordings to date. I mean, seriously, who would have expected that someone could top such a useful and poignant (in a very post-911 world kind of way) phrase as “Superman that Ho.” I don’t think you can really argue against Superman being a Ho, it’s almost assuredly fa sho. Where were you then, you Kryptonian hack? Where were you in our hour of need?! You can talk about the government’s responsibility to scramble fighter jets until your face turns blue, but I’m wondering why Kal-el was caught napping, especially since I haven’t heard a peep out of Brainiac or any of the other supervillains in decades.
Sorry, I made a promise (in bumper sticker form) to myself to “Always Regret.” Or “Never Surget” or something. I can never remember. The colors are all faded out anyways now, it’s barely readable.
Back to my point though: Hurricane Chris is like a phenomenon of nature. He’s comparable to a hurricane of lyrics, like a Hurricane Ivan if you will. Or a Hurricane Charley. And I think if you compare the destruction and wreckage left by those ripe-for-hip-hop-naming tropical storms to the following lyrics, you’ll see a lot of things in common. It’s like you can almost feel the South getting unmercifully pounded beyond recognition as the song progresses.
Ay Bay Bay
Ay Bay Bay
Ay Bay Bay
Ay Bay Bay
It’s like he’s saying, “Ay, Bay of Pigs, how’d you like a large portion of your fishing fleets tossed into seaside buildings?” Maybe I’m reading too far into that.
You Wanna Know Wat We Say In Da Club (Ay Bay Bay)
Whites Folks Gangsta And Them Thugs (Ay Bay Bay)
Stuntin With A Stack Of Them Dubs (Ay Bay Bay)
Ridin' In A Lac Wit A Mug (Ay Bay Bay)
I’m kind of at a disadvantage here because I’m not entirely up on the lingo of hip-hop this week. For instance, I have no clue what a “lac” is, nor am I sure on the meaning of “Stuntin’” and “White Folks.” But I know from experience that this is the part of the song where Chris explains to me just how badass he is. So I’m going to assume that a ’lac is a remarkably expensive automobile that has been thoroughly and unnecessarily pimped; and that “Stuntin” a stack of “dubs” involves doing Hong-Kong style action sequences with Doublemint gum. White folks beware.
I’m In Da Club Hollerin'
Ay Bay Bay
I’m In Da Club Holerin'
Ay Bay Bay
Im In Da Club Hollerin'
Last time I went to the club and began hollering they refused to serve me anymore drinks. Hurricane’s got way more street cred than I do, so they keep servin’ while he hollerin’ until he vomitin’ on the Wood panelin’.
When I Holla Ay Bay Bay
I Finna Get My Groove On
It’s So Hot Up In Da Club
Dat I Ain't Got No Shoes On
I think Chris and I are secretly related, because we experience many similar dilemmas. Just the other day I was at a club and the air conditioning had bugged out. It got very uncomfortable so I just took my shoes off. Do you have any idea what happens when you take your shoes off at a nightclub? You get stepped on. A lot.
I’m Holdin' Up A Big Stack And Dem
Hundreds In A Rubba Band
Girl Don't Ask Me For No Cash
Cause I’m Not Dat Other Man
Again, I’ve been there. One time I was waving around a large quantity of hundred dollar bills and a woman had the gall to come up and ask for one of them. And of course I said no, because those were my waving benjamins, not my spending benjamins. Turns out there’s a guy at the club sometimes whose job it is to wave and then give out hundreds. So now I always tell people, “Sorry, that’s the other man.”
Everybody Trippin' Cause I’m Limpin'
When I’m Walkin' And I’m Pimpin' When I’m Talkin'
I Don't Trick On Chick Dats Talkin'
Well, no surprises here. Maybe if he had shoes on he wouldn’t limp so badly. Also, if you’re always pimping when you talk, that’s gonna make people awkward. Especially when you’re constantly trying to pimp out your friends over dinner.
Dem Boyz In Da Back Dey Be Rollin' up Dey Doughdy
Then Dey Blow It Till Dey Chokin'
Dats Wat Godly Came Out
When I See A Bad Chik I’m Hollerin Out (Ay Bay Bay)
This is where we differ: Personally, I’m hollerin’ out when I see a bad check. Chicks I’m alright with, but I simply won't stand for someone putting me through all that hassle.
I Hope Y’all Ain't Wit Ya Boyfriendz
Cause I Don't Care Wat Dey Say
And I Don't Care Wat He Say Or She Say
I’m In Da DJ Booth Takin' Pictures Wit Da DJ
Read this a few times and let me know in an email if you got the same vaguely hidden bisexual vibe from it. First he says he hopes the ladies didn’t bring boyfriends (hope those dudes you brought are single). Then he doesn’t care what those straight boyfriends say, then he doesn’t care what “he say” OR “she say.” And then he’s off to get his picture taken with the DJ.
You Wanna Know What We Say
When Clubs Get Crunk (Wat)
Ay Baybay Let it Play
Dats My Song Turn It Up
That is his song. In fact, that is this song. This song is sooo meta.
Now If You Lookin' For Me Baby You Can Find Me
Bangin' In Da Chevy Candy Painted Swingin’ 9 Deep
Saint Cards Creep Wit My People Right Behind Me
9 people in the Chevy and they’re all behind Chris. That’s right, cause a real player calls shotgun every time.
I Showed Dem My Chain Now
She Hollerin’ Wat U Buyin' Me
I Show My Mouth Piece
To Dem Freaks Now Dey Hirin' Me
That’s funny, I always heard you should leave your retainer out when you go to a job interview.
Oh You Got A Problem Well I Hope You
Tr… Me… Throw …Park
Listen, I consulted the Internet on this, and it has no idea what the fuck he said right there. Which is troubling, because it looks like he was offering a solution. Let me hypothesize here a sec:
"Oh, You Got A Problem? Well I Hope You trust me and throw a party at the park!" Dammit, Chris. That's your solution for everything.
Then I Reach Under My Sit
Hop Out With My Hand Under My Shirt
Dats Where Da Iron Be
Some short-sighted thugs might say that he's talking about his gun (since most guns these days are made completely out of Iron), but I know better. This is a veiled reference to one of Hurricane Chris biggest influences: Iron B., also known as Iron Butterfly. Chris obviously used "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" as his main pronunciational inspiration.
Yellow Bone Chirpin' Me
She Trying To See Where Imma Be
You Gonna Let Me Get Up In
Your Mouth Well Dats Where Imma Be
Nothing like a good T-Mobile ad-campaign reference to get a hip-hop song up where it needs to be. So I had to consult the Internet on the term "Yellow Bone," and I can agree with this statement. Besides, if he's in that Yellow Bone's mouth, she'll know exactly where he is and she can save on text messaging. Note: I’m not sure if Yellow Bone is a word white people can use, so watch out crackas.
I Don't Pop Trunk Wit Lights Dats
Where Dey Choppa Be. Straight To The Hotel
All Da Bad Chick Followin' Me
Bad checks following you? I have that same nightmare, Chris. Nearly ruined my credit once. Oh, my mistake. I get it now. Although it doesn't sound like a good way to get your stuff stolen. They are, after all, bad chicks.
I Know You Like My Style, I Ain't Trippin’
I’m Just Tryin' To See, Girl Is You Drunk?
That's my new favorite pick-up line.
Well Tell Me Why You Leanin' All On Me
And If You Thinkin' Imma Stink You Trippin
He is definitely not going to stink, ladies. So don't play like you think he is. Go ahead, smell him. Damn straight he washes with Gain.
I Pull Up In An Expedition Wit Da Roof Lift
Cuz I forgot how to put da roof back down.
I’m In Da Club Hollerin'
Ay Baybay Let it Play
Dats My Song Turn It Up
I’m In Da Club Hot, Crunk, Sweatin’, Burnin' Up
I’m 'bout To Do The Crowd
Bumpin’ And Hollerin’ Wats Up
I Done Fell Out In Da Dance Floor
And Now Caint Get Up
Js On Your Feet But You Cant Get These
You Wear Wats Unbrown White, And Yellow
Till You Breeze
Hold on! Hold on! None of this is getting through!
I’ll Go To St. Louis Let My Chain Hang Low
Canary Yellow Diamonds Mixed Wit Rozo
I caught about half of that sentence. And I use the term sentence looser than I have ever done before.
I Shy Real Bright In Da Light Because I’m A Star
8 Shots Of Patrons Now Stannin' on Da Baw
This kid makes Lil' Jon read like Faulkner.
Probably Get Drunk Wit A Scum And Put Da
Keys In Da Wrong Paw
I am way too sober for this shit.
Listen, I know I usually find an angle and see the deeper meanings, but this song is too much. It's not even words as far as I can tell. It's like what comes up in word when I leave my laptop on and my cat cleans itself on it. At least “Buggins” swats in some punctuation every once in a while.
More lyrical gibberish here: www.hurricanechrisonline.com
