Hey – I got somethin' special for youse,
Hey there kiddies! So, like I was sayin' the last time I unloaded a truckload o' SWAG on you, I came up with somethin' a little special for this tenth edition o' the SWAG Report. It's a little different and appeals to alla you fetishists out there. Lemme tell you the story….
So I got this buddy and he's a bit of a freak. His name's Phil (you prolly don't know him, he lives uptown) and he is a music fanatic, but he likes it all a certain way; he says he has a fetish for vinyl. Sounds a little dirty doesn't it? All it means though is that he likes his music to come outta the black ones – you know – records. He don't care what size exactly, seven-inch, ten-inch, twelve-inch – he takes it all and loves every minute! Like I said, he's a freak.
So anyway, Filthy Phil calls me up the other day frothing at the mouth an' he tells me he's got somethin' I hafta see an' that I should come over right away. I'm not a big fan o' goin' over to Phil's place, he didn't get that nickname 'Filthy' for nothin' – he's whatcha might call "hygenically challenged" if ya know what I mean. I said I'd come over though, if only to keep him from comin' over and stinkin' up my apartment; it takes days to deodorize after Phil comes over, no joke.
So I catch a subway and make my way over to Phil's and his place reeks but he's sittin' there, happy as a pig in shit, and he lays it on me: he's got himself one o' those USB turntables – you know, those ones you plug into your computer and rip songs like we used to do with tapes? He's got one and this is what he wants to show me. And he carefully sets it up and throws a record on it, and we listen a bit. It sounds pretty good, that's for sure, but I don't exactly understand why Phil needs one; I mean, the guy only listens to records anyway – hates mp3s – so what good is it to him? That's a question for the ages….
What was I sayin'? Oh yeah – so we sit and we listen and I choke back the urge to let my IHOP breakfast go because o' the smell in'ere when he excuses himself. I know what that means: it smells in Phil's apartment an' he might be gone an hour, but he might come back smellin' a little better too – even if his bathroom might be in a world o' hurt.
So he leaves the room an' I'm left to myself an' I'm thinkin' I hafta get outta there when I think twice. I got my laptop wit' me, a brand new turntable and nobody to stop me so I start ripping.
I didn't have a whole lot o' time so I started rippin' singles, but I got a few for you to check out folks, and while the quantity might not be high, the quality sure is. I grabbed a little bit o' everything – some Beatles, some NoFX, some Joan Jett, some Nirvana, Guns N' Roses, Stooges, Run DMC and even a 12'' Maxi-single by Jane's Addiction so it's all prime shit and the sound is pretty goddamn good too. Well, I don't have to tell you, you can check it out for yourself; what I got is before you, just below this. I'm hopin' Phil doesn't notice and doesn't see 'cause he's likely to have a conniption, but I figure the worst thing that could happen is that he doesn't invite me to that stinkin' apartment no more – y'know? So stop readin' 'is and look what's here and don't say I never do nothin' for ya.
Love and sloppy kisses,
Don Loder.
Dinosaur Bones – "Ice Hotels"
Dinosaur Bones – "Royalty"
Guns N' Roses – "Mr. Brownstone"
Guns N' Roses – "Welcome To The Jungle"
Happy Hollows – "Big Bad Wolf"
Happy Hollows – "Colors"
Happy Hollows – "My Wet Tongue"
Jane's Addiction – "I Would For You" – 12'' Maxi-Single
Jane's Addiction – "Stop!" – 12'' Maxi-Single
Jane's Addiction – "Three Days" – 12'' Maxi-Single
Joan Jett & The Blackhearts – "Oh Woe Is Me"
Joan Jett & The Blackhearts – "Crimson & Clover"
Nirvana – "Drain You"
Nirvana – "Dumb"
Nirvana – "The End Of Music"
NoFX – "Spaghetti Motel"
NoFX – "Zyklone B Bathouse"
Rise Against – "Grammatizator"
Rise Against – "Voice Of Dissent"
Run DMC – "Walk This Way"
Run DMC – "Walk This Way (instrumental)"
Stegosaur – "A Headache"
The Beatles – "Day Tripper"
The Beatles – "We Can Work It Out"
The Stooges – "Raw Power" – Japanese Single
The Stooges – "Search And Destroy" – Japanese Single
The Seedy Seeds – "Coyote Song"
The Seedy Seeds – "Telephone The Constrictor"
The Seedy Seeds – "We Are Missing"
